Life Lately And Dealing With Zero Writing Mojo

I have revised the lead paragraph of my Siquijor article 3 times and yet I’m still unsatisfied. My writing mojo is drained. In between dealing with work and laziness, I lost the drive to produce content. And so the days went on with the blog sitting in silence, paid but not used to its full potential. Thus, I am writing this; not sure what I am hoping to achieve, but maybe it would release me from this rut that I’m in.

I’ll just say whatever, if you have the patience, I guess you can continue reading.

So many things have happened in my life since December last year, meaning I got material, just not the motivation to write. For one, and this is major, I went for the first time in Europe. I visited three countries, yet you don’t see a single post here about that trip. I have this Paris article that I’d been composing for like forever, but I just couldn’t get myself to finish it.

Meanwhile, things are also happening to people who are dear to me. A close friend of mine got married, one moved to another country for work, another one is leaving this July. And then there was me dealing with mixed emotions; happy for the transitions in their lives but envious that the things I’ve been dreaming for myself were happening to other people. I wonder if I’m ever gonna work in another country. Am I ever gonna have a boyfriend and maybe get married?

The work front is not particularly exciting either. Just months before, I was bored for not having enough work that I wondered if I should move on. Then suddenly, I’d been given a project I have zero knowledge about, thus the last few months were spent on 50% self-training, 30% bugging my colleagues for enlightenment, and 20% feeling like a complete moron.

Last year I wanted to become a team lead because at 36 I never handled people in my place of work. I discussed this desire with my managers (old and present), then something happened, and now I’m having doubts if this is what I truly want. Leadership will demand a lot but as to how much of myself am I willing to give, I am not quite sure.

Several of my colleagues left the company since the year began. The reasons vary but each time it happened, it rattled my psyche one way or another. It got me thinking, how many more years of my life should I spare to this thing called corporate. Is there going to be growth, is there something I could give more, or should I be doing something else? I still don’t have the answer to these.

Before I continue droning on with my life’s questionable decisions, here’s a win. My youngest sister, Adriana, just graduated from uni. I took her to her graduation ceremony in PICC and I couldn’t be more proud. Not only did she finish her school, but she also did it with flying colors; she was among the academic excellence awardees.

Okay, let’s continue.

My dating life is as zero as my writing mojo, but I am more tired of my friends’ drilling on my state of singlehood than the actual condition. If I have to be honest though, I am not confident and the mere idea of going out with a guy scares the living shiz out of me. I don’t know how to talk to them, I don’t know where to start, and so I don’t even try anymore. Clock’s a-ticking I know, I’ll be 37 this August. But I don’t know how to do this without borrowing courage from alcohol. On second thought, maybe drinking is not such a bad idea.

At least with diet, I am faring well. I lost several pounds in March after successfully completing a 6-week keto diet. I am bad at dieting, I have a sweet tooth yet by some miracle I managed to push myself to say no to carbs and sugar during that period. From 47.9 kg, I went down to 45.3kg. It feels good to wear my old clothes again without unsightly bulges. Now I’m no longer on a keto diet but I’m happy to report that I’m able to keep the weight off by doing intermittent fasting (I usually do 16/8) and working out 2-3 times a week.

[Related: Keto Filipino The answer to keto dietersโ€™ sweet and bread cravings]

I also have a blog update. I moved my hosting from Siteground to Hostgator because 1-year hosting renewal with the former is more expensive than the 3-year hosting registration in the latter. Also, I wasn’t happy when my blog had a malware but Siteground didn’t fix it for me. It was kinda like being a kid who had to fend for herself because Daddy wouldn’t give her allowance anymore. Thank the lord I was able to resolve it; I swear the stress it gave me was real!

The site migration, however, didn’t go smoothly. I had to raise a ticket 5 times just to get this blog up and running again. The support people were nice, two of them even checked out my blog and told me that they were impressed at how good it looks. Not sure if they were just saying that to make me feel okay but it worked because I didn’t go hulk-y on them. It’s all sorted out now, in fact, you are now reading this from the Hostgator’s server. I hope they’ll give me a better service than Siteground because 3 years is a long time you know.

Speaking of my blog, I’m asking for tips from my friends, Jon and Cai to help optimize Coffeehan. They do blogging way better than me even when my blog is older. I am learning a lot and I feel lucky that I have friends who are not selfish when it comes to sharing the information. Believe me, honey, blogging can be competitive. I know many bloggers who treat their blogging win as a trade secret. It’s rare to find people who are willing to help and share their success.

I use this as an online journal of some sort to have something to look back on when I grow old. I didn’t have the passion as my contemporaries and so while they are now earning passive income from their blogs, there’s me, still flailing about, wasting an opportunity. Thus, in the coming days, I plan on writing more SEO-friendly content, fix broken links, update old articles, and use affiliate tools at my disposal. I want to get serious about making Coffeehan active and money generating. If I don’t do this now then when? It’s time to take some action. Wish me luck.

That’s it, you’ve reached this long, some sort of a writing attempt. Hope things get better from here.

Similar Posts


  1. Hi ms. Marjorie, I just read this post of yours. I commented once on one of your previous posts, but haven’t gone back to reading your blog till now. I’m touched by this article so much that I feel compelled to tell you my story, also to give you some encouragement. Please don’t publish this, for awkward reasons that will become obvious below. You don’t have to reply to me and i don’t mind. I just want you to read this.

    I married my wife last year. We were both 37. I met her on tinder. She’s a project manager for an IT company in ortigas; I’m self employed.

    Things happened so fast. I first heard about tinder on some random YouTube videos, then I discovered that there’s tinder here in our country so i decided to try it. I met my eventual wife on tinder around October 2017, met her personally in December, dated her for a month and by May i was already shopping for a diamond ring. We got married August 1, 2018 in a restaurant in Cainta, attended only by around 40 people, most of whom were our relatives. It was a very simple wedding presided by a pastor i knew, with both ceremony and reception taking place in the same venue.

    Before i used tinder i was at the tail end of an 8-year relationship with a girl 9 years my junior. Back then i told myself that i knew exactly the type of woman i wanted to marry and it wasn’t her. She was a very loving person but things just didn’t mesh very well, especially from my point of view. Anyway I profiled the kind of wife that i wanted – someone around my age or only a few years younger, and smart. I didn’t care much about anything else, even looks. I wanted harmony and peace within the relationship.

    So the woman that is now my wife came along. I discovered personality tests around that time, not that this became the basis of our decision to marry, but it was interesting that we turned out to be both INTJs. This although she now insists that there’s no way I’m an introvert. I think I just changed. With an emotional footing firmly in place, I learned to love people, strangers, almost everyone I meet on a daily basis, in a Christian sort of way. I’m happier and more stable than ever.

    My wife said she was a lost soul before we met. She went to work not knowing her purpose in life. Was it to support her mother? Certainly not, maybe in the past that would have made sense but not now when her mother’s doing well on her own. She just went with the flow, but she was extremely sad inside. If you read her letter to me (we decided once to write each other letters), that’s the gist of it. She didn’t care if she dies early because to her she had already done what God had purposed her to do in life. She had already prepared to live the life of an old maid. She bought a house in Pasig for that specific purpose. Her work life wasn’t that good, but she just went along with the flow as mentioned, as if life had no real meaning.

    I’m no fairy tale prince either. She hasn’t had a particularly easy time dealing with me as a husband, but having someone to serve as your emotional footing when that role cannot be filled by your parents anymore (not because they can’t, but because you’re not a child anymore) is life-changing. We both felt it. We are childless still, but for now it’s not so much of a big deal so long as we have each other.

    I saw you on Tinder too. Before i met my wife. I learned about your blog from your friend Alchris years prior to that, when you commented on one of his posts. I wondered, why wasn’t he trying to take you as his girlfriend? (he’s gay, i learned later. Am i right?). I wanted to meet you, but either I was too busy, or I didn’t know how.

    So I saw you on Tinder, but i accidentally swiped you left. So I quickly bought their upgrade option, just so i could return to the previous left swipes, to have a chance to talk to you. But you apparently swiped me left. I didn’t have a picture on the profile, but it said something like INTJ, Uplb, basketball, etc.

    You were exactly the woman I wanted to marry.

    I think somebody else likes you so much, like I did. Somebody else has profiled the kind of woman they want to spend the rest of their lives with. Somebody else has decided he wants to settle down soon, preferring someone of your age. It isn’t just me.

    I encourage you to find that emotional footing. It’s the ultimate jump to the real next chapter of your life, not a new place to visit or a new company to work for or a new house to live in. Perhaps also not more money, passive income, more consistent writing or a blog to look back to when you’re old. My wife actively sought it and prayed for it. You’re too beautiful to miss it. Perhaps tinder is the key. Or starting conversations with picture-less profiles?

    Something like what happened to me and my wife I think happens all the time. Things can happen all of a sudden, however awkward/scary the first or second meeting was. I’d say our relationship is odd, the way we married and where we married was odd, how fast things happened was odd. But such things, although not what we see from the stereotypical way people meet and make husbands and wives of each other, happen all the time. I didn’t have a profile picture, she didn’t too. It didn’t matter. We found each other.

    Perhaps i just don’t get you, or I’m being too intrusive saying here’s what you need and here’s what you don’t. An unsolicited advice from out of nowhere, trespassing into a stranger’s life. But I really wish you find someone, or someone finds you. Sayang beauty ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. I hit that same blogging drought a few months ago and slowly coming out of it now. It’s so hard to write about anything when the inspiration and motivation is gone. And real life offline has a huge affect on being able to mentally focus on anything. I hope things turn around good for you soon ๐Ÿ™‚

  3. Your fresh and new layout looks great. I am always fascinated by bloggers who openly share their knowledge or as you have mentioned ‘trade secrets’ despite the tough competition. I myself haven’t done what I should have with my own blog let alone get a domain name for the reasons that I don’t know how and mostly because I am so kuripot in paying for it annually if I’m not going to recover the money back (haha). I totally get you regarding the blog as a journal and a means of expression. So well done on pursuing to growing and expanding your blog.. It is inspiring . I never imagined the amount of work and proactive guts bloggers have in order to approach companies and pitch their brand. The latter is something that makes me cringe doing but my alter ego knows that’s how the world works.

    1. Oh yes, I get what you mean. That’s why I prefer using affiliate tools and guest posts to earn money from blogging and that’s what I’ll keep on doing. When I get sponsored trips or stays, it’s because they approach me, but I don’t get a lot of those. Personally, I am not comfortable pitching to brands, if I can afford it, say a hotel stay, I’d rather pay.

  4. Take your time, Marjorie. ๐Ÿ™‚ Just keep writing even if you won’t post it on the blog.

    love reading your stories. ๐Ÿ™‚

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.