I’ve been racking my brain to come up with a mind-blowing piece because I have all the time in the world to write. I am presently enjoying a 19-day break from work with my actual leave perfectly set at intervals with the holidays. Unfortunately though, my mind seems to consider this vacation a serious business, a once in a lifetime opportunity to hibernate. The only way I can get through my blogging duties is to waste a few moments of your life in this utter claptrap. Please bear with me, this is excruciating for me too.
I was supposed to make a Christmas-related post, as I normally do when this time of the year comes. Sadly though, Santa didn’t come down my chimney this year if you know what I mean. I guess we’re not doing the “What I Got This Christmas” post this time.
What you’re getting right now is a spill of my overly rested mind (feel free to leave if this is boring you). Because I have more time in hand I have more time to do my favorite hobby too; over thinking. It got me into an assessment mode, of what my life has been this year. I have made several big decisions that may change my life forever, one of which is ending my friendship with some of the best people I know. These people I’ve shared more than a few Hi’s and Hello’s with. I knew them on a personal level, went to their homes, watched movies with them, shared food, and all that shiz. They’d seen me cry, they’d given me things, and in my cloud drive, social networks, and this blog you’d see their faces a thousand times. I know some of their secrets, the hardest things they went through, as well as their hopes and desires. But just like in any other relationship that started real good, things fell apart. And so there was no other solution but to stop being friends.
It’s not that I don’t care anymore. I have in my memories every good thing that I shared with these people. I’ve observed though that as I grow old, I find it a lot easier to just let go of things especially if they are not working anymore. It’s like keeping an object that used to mean so much to you up in the attic. You dodge every reason to give or throw it away, thinking that maybe you could find some use to it. Then time passes by and that object takes up space, and you begin to realize you have and will no longer have any use for it. That old stereo would no longer play, that old computer would no longer start up, that barbie doll is missing its head, why keep them? It’s the same with how we treat our relationships. We tend to hold on to people whose interests are no longer aligned with ours. People who bring you down, people who suck the life out of you, people who wouldn’t support your growth, people who keep disappointing you, or people who just don’t have time for you. And it may go the other way around, you might be playing those things that I just mentioned to those people. So for me, if the relationship is no longer productive, if I get nothing but disappointment, or if the other person thinks I’ve done things he couldn’t accept, I just let the person go. There is no point in fighting for something that is no longer there. It’s all just a waste of energy and emotion.
I now see people in my life as passersby; they come and they go. I learned this in the f*ck-that-sh*t-hurt-a-lot kind of way. I think we all are just passing by in each other’s lives. We’d be together, happy and tight today and not care if one of us dies the next day. Sad? Yes. Brutal? I think not. People change is what it is.
I used to be so hurt by this concept until it happened so many times, I’d gotten used to it. Now I know how to recover from it quickly; even when the person in question is somebody that I’ve known for quite a long time. If you’re wondering I still have people (non-family) in my life who I’ve been friends with for many years. Maybe the fact that I don’t get to see them often saves the friendship hehehe…
All Dressed Up for Christmas
My family doesn’t celebrate Christmas eve, not as far as I can remember so I didn’t go home until the 25th. I did go out that night though, hoping that some bars would be opened. The only thing that I found opened last Christmas eve though was Bo’s Coffee at Glorietta 5. One barista asked me what I was doing in their shop at Christmas eve. I almost answered, so they’d have a customer on a Christmas eve but stopped myself. I just smiled what I hoped would pass as something human.
I had coffee and an overly priced sandwich then I went home. I was, by the way, dressed to kill. And I wasted it all. Remind me not to do this again next year.
I went home on Christmas day to deliver my gifts to my family. My nieces have grown, one of them is even taller than me now. Then my loud aunt came and started talking with my siblings and I, and the nieces joining in the chorus. My oh my my family is sure a noisy bunch. Everyone was talking all at once in a volume that you only do when you’re talking with someone in a club. Whenever my friends complain that my voice is too loud, I always tell them, “Wait til you meet my family.” If you grew up in a neighborhood where people talk like they were conversing with someone from the other side of the mountain, you’d be a unicorn if you speak in hush tones.
Come night time I paid my bestie a visit to get a piece of her leche flan. She makes them every year, and every year I make the trip to her place to get one. Her mom whom I haven’t seen for like a decade is in the country for vacation. My friend is happy, of course, her mom has been living in the States for quite some time now. Thrice, her mom came downstairs to check up on her in the thick of the night. We were in the living room watching some girls get prepped up by their moms for their prom in a TV show. The parallelism wasn’t lost on me. Just as my friend shares a strong bond with her mom, so were the girls on TV. In my case, it’s just a wish.
My vacation can be summarized in a haze of threads (from making friendship bracelets), Neil Caffrey’s blue eyes and charming smile, fruit smoothie, and reverse sleep routine. I could get used to this.
Belated Happy Christmas.