A year later: The letter I wrote to myself in 2023

2023 will always stand out as the year I was at my bravest, yet most anxious. Motivated by friends who left the Philippines for new beginnings abroad, I was inspired to seek greener pastures. So I bought a one-way ticket to Melbourne, aiming for long-term migration. In preparation, I sold or gave away many of my belongings, rented out my condo, and packed my life into two suitcases. On March 21, 2023, I took what I consider my greatest leap of faith yet: moving to Australia to try my luck.

It didn’t take long for my hopeful self to turn into a restless soul who couldn’t “manifest” her way out of anxiety. I realized that, from watching the lives of my friends, I may have glorified the act of moving overseas. Not that it was impossible, but I had grossly underestimated its difficulty.

While my friends were sympathetic, confiding in them eventually lost its juice. No words of encouragement could abate my agonizing over the uncertainties of my situation. It got to a point where I could never stop thinking about the worst case scenario (at that time, returning home).

Overwhelmed with fears, I decided to write a letter for my future self. There was no other person more deserving of my honesty and vulnerability than me. I also wanted the future Marjorie to know what we went through. I want her to remember that once upon a time, we were brave people. More importantly, should she ever doubt herself, I want her to be reminded that she has the power to make her dreams come true.

I had typed out the letter on Gmail and scheduled it to be sent exactly one year later. Yesterday, I saw the notification and immediately knew it was time to hear the story from my past self. I haven’t written a personal post on my blog in such a long time, but today is the day. I want to share with you the content of the letter. Some of you may not get a lot from it, but for a few, it might resonate. So here it goes.

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April 21, 2023
Lara’s Place, Surrey Hills
Melbourne, Australia

Dear Marjorie of 2024,

By the time you receive this email, a full year has passed. I’ve meant to write to you for a very long time, but you know we like to procrastinate. It’s easy for you to be distracted by low-level activities such as playing mobile games, scrolling through TikTok, watching movies on Netflix, or browsing anything on the Internet. You procrastinated on the blog articles that T wanted you to write for your blog. By the way, how’s it going? Were you able to publish them? Has your blog gained traction already? Did you decide to continue with the business partnership with T, or did you make it on your own? I’m excited to know what you’ve done.

I will give you a brief summary of your current state on April 21, 2023. This will allow you to look back and reflect on the year that was. I’m also going to share your thoughts and feelings right now. I hope your life is much better because today, even when life isn’t bad, you still manage to fester your mind with anxiety. 

Today, you’re writing this at Lara’s place in Melbourne, Australia. At 19°C, it’s a little bit chilly, and the skies are gloomy, but it doesn’t look like it will rain. You were babysitting Reddington, a.k.a. Red, a big, gray, and very fluffy cat. Lara and her partner, Mark, are in Adelaide for vacation. They will be back on Monday. You agreed to keep Red company in exchange for food. 

Your Facebook account, Messenger, and Instagram are deactivated as you write this. You were trying to hide from people while dealing with the pain of rejection from those you consider your closest friends. See, you asked them if they could help build the show money necessary for applying for a student visa, but out of everyone, only one person came through, Alchris. He sent you 100,000 pesos to your bank account without question. He trusted you that much. So if you’re reading this and you’ve managed to make it here in Australia (or even if you didn’t), be sure to thank Alchris; he’s your friend for life.

So now you’re hiding from everyone else until you can get past this heavy feeling in your heart.

You also realized you had been oversharing with your friends, so now you decided to step back and keep things to yourself while silently working on achieving your goals. You know in your heart that God is with you and that you can make it. There is really nothing you cannot do, and you have proven that time and time again, but somehow you still doubt yourself. You’re about to apply for a student visa, and you’re about to go back to school so you can stay in Australia. But the pressure of it all, especially when it comes to the financial side of it, has been making you quite anxious. It doesn’t help that only one of your closest friends decided to help you, so now you’re worried and deeply hurt. I’m not sure when you will reactivate your socials or when will you talk with your friends, but right now, it’s not something you care to put your energy on. You have more pressing things to do.

But you’re keeping the faith. You’re already here in Australia, manifesting about living here for years, and you actually did it. Good job! You’re still on a tourist visa, but you have no doubt in your mind that you will be a permanent resident. Originally, you wanted to secure a work visa but quickly realized it’s not a viable option in Australia for your skills. Your profession is not in demand, and getting companies to sponsor people with your expertise is as rare as the eclipse.

You sent numerous applications; not a single one deemed you worthy of an initial interview. So now you’re looking at the next best option: getting a student visa. Going back to school at 40 years old wasn’t something you’d ever imagined, but your mind is open; as long as you can stay in Australia, you’re willing to do it. Besides, learning something new is never a bad idea. Granted, you will have to spend money on your tuition fee, but you will figure it out.

By the way, you don’t have a permanent job yet, and you’ve been unemployed since Dec 2022, after Datacom let you go. You considered the redundancy a blessing because you received over 600,000 pesos in severance pay, which helped tide you over in those next few months. It’s also the reason you were able to buy a plane ticket to Australia. So you weren’t very hurt when it happened, although admittedly, it still made you a bit sad and worried for the future.

So back to the topic of going to school, you entertained the idea of taking up a cookery course to become a chef, even though cooking is not in your bones. You claimed you heard the Lord giving you a nudge in that direction, but you’re not so sure anymore. Still, you were willing to take that jump and face up to the challenge. Until your resolve was tested along the way. You’ve met several challenges, and you’re no longer sure if this is the right path to take.

First, you don’t have enough money to prove you can fund your studies. You only have around 300,000 pesos left in your bank account, but the show money should be at least 1.1 million pesos. Which is why you tried to borrow from friends, but as mentioned, only one came through. So now you have 400,000 pesos in your bank account, lumped with Alchris’s money, and you’re praying it’ll be enough to get you that student visa.

You’d consulted with three different agencies: #1 GoStudyAustralia, #2 Pathway to Australia, and #3 RACC. You have yet to decide which one to go for, but the likelihood of choosing #1 is slim. You spoke with their agent, Ilenia last Tuesday, and she wasn’t very encouraging. Meanwhile, you’re waiting on updates from #2 and #3; their agents are supposed to send information on studying options one of these days.

You don’t want to go back to the corporate world anymore, but at this moment, you need to be strategic. So here’s the plan: you’re going with the most viable option: take up a course that’s related to your background. RACC recommends a Master in Social Work or a Graduate Diploma of Management. On the other hand, Pathway to Australia suggested a Master of Business Analytics (Extension). You’re probably going to make a decision next week. Good luck.

Recently, you’ve made new connections, and a few of them are even helping you. One of them is Jean (or John), a Lebanese immigrant in his 60s who owns Reunion Cafe. Lara recommends you to him to work as a kitchen hand. Once or twice a week, you go to Reunion Cafe to work in the kitchen, assisting the chef, Sedat, and washing the dishes. It was easy work, and you earn $20 an hour. The only thing is that it’s physically taxing, especially when you need to remain standing for 4 or more hours. You never experienced doing this job in the Philippines, but you don’t really mind, and you don’t think you’re less of a person because of it. In fact, you even enjoy it a little bit.

Speaking of Lara, remember to thank her too. You used to hang out a lot when you were in the Philippines, until she moved to Australia a few years ago. She’s now working as a chef and an instructor at an institute. She’s been a great friend and your number one cheerleader through all of this. Also, she feeds you a lot and drives you to amazing places. Please remember her manifesting advice. Lara made it in Australia; she knows what she’s talking about.

Back to what I was saying, sometimes you go to Reunion Cafe to assist one of the staff (who is also a kababayan), Carlo, because you want to learn how to become a barista. You don’t get paid for this, but at least you’re learning, and you get free coffee too. You’re not very confident yet, especially with milk frothing, but I’m positive you will get there eventually with more practice. This is part of your future business plan to establish a coffee shop. I hope you’re now closer to that dream than I am.

In two days, you’ve been officially living in Australia for one month, man, how time flies. You’re renting a room with three people on Black St., Mont Albert. They are all Filipinos, a couple named Isabel and Stephen, a male student who likes gaming and K-Pop named Alex, Pablo the pug, and Yoshi the British shorthair cat. They are nice people, but you keep mostly to yourself. Your rental fee is A$180 a week, you provided two months worth of rent, and your next payment will be in June.

You’re currently on a tourist visa with multiple entries for a year and a 3-month validity for each entry. Thus, you’re aiming to get a student visa before June so you don’t have to do a visa run and save some money.

That’s all the update I could give you right now—still full of uncertainty but with great promise. You are both scared and excited. I want you to know that you’re doing the best that you can, so don’t be hard on yourself. Just keep on going, and you will get there. 

I hope you have already achieved most of your goals by the time you read this; I’m definitely excited for us both.

You have taken a leap of faith and are willing to get uncomfortable and do the work. You’re confident because you are guided by the Lord. Always remember that He will never forsake you. He has been preparing you for this moment all this time, so I’m going to hang on for you. I will work hard, so I hope you can be proud of me.

Dear Marjorie, you have made it; congratulations, and I love you.

Love,
Marjorie of 2023

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Featured Photo by Unseen Studio on Unsplash