I have revised the lead paragraph of my Siquijor article 3 times and yet I’m still unsatisfied. My writing mojo is drained. In between dealing with work and laziness, I lost the drive to produce content. And so the days went on with the blog sitting in silence, paid but not used to its full potential. Thus, I am writing this; not sure what I am hoping to achieve, but maybe it would release me from this rut that I’m in.
I’ll just say whatever, if you have the patience, I guess you can continue reading.
So many things have happened in my life since December last year, meaning I got material, just not the motivation to write. For one, and this is major, I went for the first time in Europe. I visited three countries, yet you don’t see a single post here about that trip. I have this Paris article that I’d been composing for like forever, but I just couldn’t get myself to finish it.
Meanwhile, things are also happening to people who are dear to me. A close friend of mine got married, one moved to another country for work, another one is leaving this July. And then there was me dealing with mixed emotions; happy for the transitions in their lives but envious that the things I’ve been dreaming for myself were happening to other people. I wonder if I’m ever gonna work in another country. Am I ever gonna have a boyfriend and maybe get married?
The work front is not particularly exciting either. Just months before, I was bored for not having enough work that I wondered if I should move on. Then suddenly, I’d been given a project I have zero knowledge about, thus the last few months were spent on 50% self-training, 30% bugging my colleagues for enlightenment, and 20% feeling like a complete moron.
Last year I wanted to become a team lead because at 36 I never handled people in my place of work. I discussed this desire with my managers (old and present), then something happened, and now I’m having doubts if this is what I truly want. Leadership will demand a lot but as to how much of myself am I willing to give, I am not quite sure.
Several of my colleagues left the company since the year began. The reasons vary but each time it happened, it rattled my psyche one way or another. It got me thinking, how many more years of my life should I spare to this thing called corporate. Is there going to be growth, is there something I could give more, or should I be doing something else? I still don’t have the answer to these.
Before I continue droning on with my life’s questionable decisions, here’s a win. My youngest sister, Adriana, just graduated from uni. I took her to her graduation ceremony in PICC and I couldn’t be more proud. Not only did she finish her school, but she also did it with flying colors; she was among the academic excellence awardees.
Okay, let’s continue.
My dating life is as zero as my writing mojo, but I am more tired of my friends’ drilling on my state of singlehood than the actual condition. If I have to be honest though, I am not confident and the mere idea of going out with a guy scares the living shiz out of me. I don’t know how to talk to them, I don’t know where to start, and so I don’t even try anymore. Clock’s a-ticking I know, I’ll be 37 this August. But I don’t know how to do this without borrowing courage from alcohol. On second thought, maybe drinking is not such a bad idea.
At least with diet, I am faring well. I lost several pounds in March after successfully completing a 6-week keto diet. I am bad at dieting, I have a sweet tooth yet by some miracle I managed to push myself to say no to carbs and sugar during that period. From 47.9 kg, I went down to 45.3kg. It feels good to wear my old clothes again without unsightly bulges. Now I’m no longer on a keto diet but I’m happy to report that I’m able to keep the weight off by doing intermittent fasting (I usually do 16/8) and working out 2-3 times a week.
I also have a blog update. I moved my hosting from Siteground to Hostgator because 1-year hosting renewal with the former is more expensive than the 3-year hosting registration in the latter. Also, I wasn’t happy when my blog had a malware but Siteground didn’t fix it for me. It was kinda like being a kid who had to fend for herself because Daddy wouldn’t give her allowance anymore. Thank the lord I was able to resolve it; I swear the stress it gave me was real!
The site migration, however, didn’t go smoothly. I had to raise a ticket 5 times just to get this blog up and running again. The support people were nice, two of them even checked out my blog and told me that they were impressed at how good it looks. Not sure if they were just saying that to make me feel okay but it worked because I didn’t go hulk-y on them. It’s all sorted out now, in fact, you are now reading this from the Hostgator’s server. I hope they’ll give me a better service than Siteground because 3 years is a long time you know.
Speaking of my blog, I’m asking for tips from my friends, Jon and Cai to help optimize Coffeehan. They do blogging way better than me even when my blog is older. I am learning a lot and I feel lucky that I have friends who are not selfish when it comes to sharing the information. Believe me, honey, blogging can be competitive. I know many bloggers who treat their blogging win as a trade secret. It’s rare to find people who are willing to help and share their success.
I use this as an online journal of some sort to have something to look back on when I grow old. I didn’t have the passion as my contemporaries and so while they are now earning passive income from their blogs, there’s me, still flailing about, wasting an opportunity. Thus, in the coming days, I plan on writing more SEO-friendly content, fix broken links, update old articles, and use affiliate tools at my disposal. I want to get serious about making Coffeehan active and money generating. If I don’t do this now then when? It’s time to take some action. Wish me luck.
That’s it, you’ve reached this long, some sort of a writing attempt. Hope things get better from here.