I don’t want to feel uncomfortable, but that’s what is happening in my professional life right now, and it’s triggering a fight-and-flight response from me. After weeks of becoming too stressed, I’ve already begun hatching my flight plan (literally and figuratively). Without going down into the nitty-gritty, weeks before the holidays, my emotions have been spiraling out of control (think Carrie Mathison when she’s off her meds). It reached the point when I started questioning my knowledge, capabilities, and strength of character.
The knee-jerk reaction is to leave and find other possibilities. I would leave every meeting feeling like a boulder was sitting on my chest. I would go home tired and spent. I began to look forward to the end of the day and dreaded the start of it. The ill feelings have returned, the first sign of which is poetry. I do not write poetry when I am happy; I do it when I’m in the middle of despair. And despair is what I had been feeling from thinking that I couldn’t seem to do anything right. If people feel disappointed in me, I already beat them to it. Lately, I have been anything but happy with myself.
I confided to a friend, and he said that there will always be challenges wherever I go; it’s how I deal with the challenges that would make a difference. Of course, I don’t have to be a genius to see the wisdom in that statement, but my heart was rebelling, and I couldn’t accept that things had to be difficult. I was ready to give up, contemplating my escape plan, and even consulted some friends about it, then I saw this video.
You know that feeling when you’ve been talking for hours with some people, then you suddenly catch your reflection in the mirror and find to your horror that you have something in your teeth? That’s how it felt when I saw this video. I felt a deep sense of shame about complaining and wanting to get out because things were difficult. I am ashamed because I want to be successful, yet all I could think of was fleeing at the first sign of hardship.
“Everybody wants the prize, but nobody wants to pay the price.” — besomebody.com
Call it fate, the law of attraction, or a message from God; the point is, I got the memo. In under 2 minutes, I realized that I was a cowardly, whiny, egotistical bish. My work is being criticized repeatedly, and what did I feel? Like a loser who couldn’t do anything right, that’s what. I took the criticism as an insult instead of a reason to improve my work.
I take great pride in what I do, yet I have forgotten why I was proud of it in the first place, which is not everyone, not even all writers, can do what I do. And the reason not everyone can do what I do is that IT IS NOT EASY!
“You should want it to be hard because then no one can replicate what you create.” — besomebody.com
I believe that God or the universe steers us on the right path when we start to lose sight of our goal. I think this video is for me, some divine intervention to tell me that I should quit whining and stop asking for easy. Likewise, it reminded me that when I’m uncomfortable, I’m able to do great things. Every friendship bracelet that I created resulted from hours of sitting and crouching and terrible back pain. Every story I wrote when I was still in school was the aftermath of skipping meals and pain in my upper extremities from using an old typewriter. Every event or trip that I’ve organized resulted from careful planning and patience in coordinating with the people involved. Every mountain that I conquered was an eventuality of an endless walk, shortened breath, leg strain, and a gallon of sweat. My successes, big or small, didn’t come out of thin air; they were all a result of some pain and hard work.
Benjamin Hardy says in his Medium article,
“Most people aren’t willing to feel difficult emotions on a regular basis. However, if you’re willing to disregard how you feel in the moment, you’ll have access to a world of opportunity unavailable to 99% of the population.”
And I am not sure if you are in the same boat, but if you are, I hope that 2017 is the year we do great things. To do that, let’s choose to set aside our personal feelings to get the job done. Let us double our effort. Let us lower our egos so we can learn. Let us find inspiration when we become disheartened. Let us get our hands dirty and finish what we’ve started. Let us take a breather when we become tired, but we shall never give up.
This is the year we are going to stop living with limits. 2017 is the year we stop asking for easy.